妈妈，你还在吗？

昨天，我梦到我妈妈了！感觉很靠近但却很遥远！梦到有人欺负我们，然后就自然就想起妈妈，在梦里哭， 真的也在哭。喊着叫妈妈。 突然想起妈妈以前对我们的体贴，为我们做很多事，她为我们付出很多，担心我们，每天煮饭给我们吃! 好怀念妈妈煮的饭，菜。 她在背后承受的一切， 都根本不让我们知道, Because she thinks that we are still young and don't want us so small dont have a father. So she bear the pain herself and hide the truth from us! But every night when every one is sleeping, she can't get to sleep as state of depression. I sleep same bed with mum, sometimes midnight i wake up a few times and saw mum at the toilets crying and talking to her friend over the phone! That time i was really small and don't know what happened. I think I have neglect mum feelings le... That time was never bother much at hm. Im very regret, mum should tell us.... So that we can stand on mum side, and not anyone else to bully my mum. especially father and father side relative! Until now mum passed away le, they always side father, they don't even know how we 3 feel. Without a mum , is equal to without mum love, as father never give us that kind of love that mum will give! Guy will always not that caring ! 我真的好想念我的母亲！ 怎么办！ Why god have to treat us that way? Not fair! Mum shoudnt leave so early. She is only 47 Years old when she passed away! My 2 brothers nowadays better le.. at least they before 12am come back home! Hope they don't turn bad as if anything happened to them, I'm the one have more responsibity n i really cant take the blow! Im going to 崩溃！Seriously.... I feel sad, hurt, mood down almost everyday..... Because we really can't believe that our mum had passed away like that and dad betray us, he treat us and my mum that way.... I really hate dad, hate him for not faithful to mum.... Actualli before my mum dead, I always respect dad... sometimes also side my dad than mum not happy. As my dad got diabetics, I always very worry him, and the foods he take in, I sugesst him to eat wholemeal bread, and don't allow him to drink gas water..... buy guava for him to eat..... ... Until after my mum passed away, we found out the wolf of my dad tail COME OUT ...... I am very disappointed.. Mum passed away within 7 days.... he still go to batam to find that side people.... Is he heartless or what! He shoudnt do that, he is so selfish...... His ownself problem become 2 families problem, my dad side n my mum side relative!
He don't need my mum, but we need a mum! No one else can replace mum ! I hope mum at other world will not suffer anymore..... but most important is she had to remember us and always beside us! I wan to live happy but the fact is how to be happy when there are so many unfinish things to solve..... Is dad that chase us out, so we move out to aunt house to stay. His own fault than he keep nagged, plus until now he still wan face...... he should apologise to us... If he apologise and stop nagging at us and blame my aunt for mum death, than maybe we will consider move back.

Ya, but what about my younger bro? He got mention he die also dont wan move back! How!

Nobody will know how close me & my mum, that time i don't know how to express my feelings to her, even when her birthday, mother's day, the present i bought i also ask my youngest bro passed the present to mum! Coz I dare not say MUM, Happy birthday to u! or Happy Mothers Day. Now I realise how Mum is so important! I wanted to say that 妈妈，谢谢你无微不至的照顾我们，关心我们，爱我们，给我们的温暖！新年要到了，我又会开始想妈妈了！因为我最爱过新年， 可以买新衣，新鞋，很多新的，好多好吃的cookies ! Because whenever near chinese new year corner, I will go to shopping with mum to 买年货！I help her to carry! Ya, That feeling, that kind of feeling, IS it forever I would not have that kind of feeling? Sob?

I wanted to be strong but everytime I think of mum, my tears dropped automatically, tell me what to do , god.. I don't wan to forget mum, im afraid too long never see her, I will forget her, forget the moments we had together! I wanted to always put mum in my heart!