Missing MUM badly

I miss my mum badly, but I can feel my mum always beside me, I almost every week dream of her, but sometimes wake up cant't remember what I dreamt of ?

This morning, my cousin mum(my gugu) call me, his only son married on 3 Oct 2010 held at Fullerton Hotel ballroom. Is really grand....... She invited us go to his buffet lunch at her house. She wanted us to go together with my father. She told us to give her face, ask us must go. And she mentioned she dreamt of my mother 3 times, I ask her what she dream, she start to cry, she don't wish to tell me.. I was really curious what she dreamt of. She say my mum 交代something to her.

I was like suddenly feel like crying. Bec we kids should be the most suffer ba! And nobody know what our heart thinks？ Only know how to say just forget the past bad things my father do... But my father really until now dont realise is his fault u know. That makes us can't forgive him, because he didnt even want us to forgive him.

I intend to move back own house, currently me and my younger bro staying at my aunt house already for 2 years 3 months. Time flies, but I really missed my home.. My aunt and uncle treat us well too. But I feel own house is more warmth. Bec my mum is at home.... Bec of my stupid brain dad, makes things worst and complicated.

And become we got home also cant go back home.... Dad keep nagging, own fault than blame people.... Can't he feel abit shameful for himself and just keep quiet! I wanted to make clear things that is my father chase us out of the house than we move out.. That period everybody in our house very suffered... My dad nagged, than my work also cannot concentrade, everyday headache, keep think think think... And My mum passed away that period, I not myself, I dont believe, its so sudden. As I come back from working NTUC, I reach home at night 11 plus on 27 Jan 2008, Sunday. Chat with my mum awhile than I feel tired than sleep. I slept in same room, same bed with my mum. I believe my mum in the middle of the midnight around 1 or 2 plus knock off in the toilets... But I really never heard any noise, maybe I was too tired, that's y. She was not feeling well for the past 1 week.... i was so regret for not taking good care of her. Never bring her go see doctor and never care her.. I was really really so regret....:（

And if everytime i go genting, i so regret, I never go genting with my mother before. So will regret for not doing or going anywhere with her.. I will think of my mum more when the places i never go with my mum before. like also regret for not taking more photos with her....

I hope my mother will let me dream of her, tell me what she needs and wants, so that I will try to help her lessen her worries or troubles. To fulfil what she wants... I'm serious! I just hope my mum can leave better either in heaven or hell. I just want my mum to know I miss her badly, hope she can bless me and my 2 brothers everything go smooth and bless that father will know his mistake and not nag again.
The most important thing is if one day we 3 move back to own house, my father will not bring over the batam kids or mistress into our house.. Coz I will treat them transparent. That time don't blame me for doing nasty things on them.
I will treat it I never know and never aware of this issue.

That is the path my dad chose, so he had to bear the consequences. Not after my mum passed away than he find another wife/women. This is can't forgiveable. Ridiculous, stupid act he had done.... Mum suffered so many years.....太委屈妈妈了！我觉得妈妈比我想象中更坚强，更勇敢！我真的佩服她！还被爸爸唉骂！爸爸真的不知羞耻！　为妈妈感到非常难过，伤心！
虽然爸爸有养家，那又怎样呢？　他不尊敬我的妈妈！你们觉得，有养家就好，那你们想想，换成是你们的老公，你们会开心的过日子吗？　没办法！

爸爸的情况不是在外面偷吃！这可是他们还没结婚就开始了！为何爸爸不能在两个女人中选一个呢？　
搞到事情这么复杂，搞到没有妈妈，是我们孩子最难过，最无辜的。
ｂａｔａｍ　的女人是会做疆头，我觉得妈妈的死，就是那女的做的！　我真的希望有因果报应！　
老天爷，请你帮帮我！　是不是那女人在搞怪！让老天爷处罚！
谢谢！


现在我只希望我妈妈会过的很好，希望她找到对他好的男人！不要再受委屈了！
让妈妈每天都快快乐乐，　开开心心！　希望她找到贵人相助！

好怀念我的母亲，怀念和她在一起的日子！　辛苦她了！这么多年的照顾，我还来不及孝顺她，她就走了！
以前妈妈几乎每天都下厨，我可以说她煮的晚餐天天都好吃，到没话说！她天天都有煮汤！好喝级了！
家务事都是妈妈一个人在做！抹地，洗衣，则衣，晾衣，煮，打扫，油气　等等。

最怀念的事，当我放工回家时，有时候，妈妈会帮我拔眉毛，　洗指甲油，涂指甲油－－－〉　太舒服了，到我睡着了！　妈妈成经告诉我，你这样依赖我，那如果我死了，怎样办？　那时，我还不明白她的意思！我真的够笨！嗨！

不说了，要吃饭了！
ｂｙｅ　ｂｙｅ！