Irene - Out of Comfort Zone

My boyfriend keep mention to me other girl are pretty or hot.. It really bothers me, what should I do? Is he disrespect me?

-->I agree it is disrespectful.. Maybe in the past she was always put down because of the way she looks and has a really low self-esteem... And it's not jelousy. But she's just looking down on herself wishing she were better so she could please him when he looks at her.. And she wishes for him to look at her like she's worth the very best and no other woman is as beautiful as she is in his eyes...

Everyone is different.. Everyone has a different past.. And in a relationship they should try to be excepting of what hurts the other.. If he cares about your feelings.. He'll stop mention again.


-->If a man truly loves you he won't want to hurt you and make you jealous. I don't buy it that men are programmed to do that. I'm a woman and I feel woman let men get away with this behavior! period! no excuses


--> I think it's disrespectful for my husband to comment about other girls when I'm around. It has nothing to do with being insecure or afraid that he would cheat on me, because realistically, a strange girl he sees on the street is not going to suddenly hump him because he finds her attractive.
Not only is this disrespectful to me, I think, but also for the person he's commenting on. Women are more than how they look, and I get just as bent out of shape when he comments on a good looking woman as I would if he were commenting on an unattractive women, or an unattractive guy for that matter. I think it's sexist to think that a girl would automatically feel flattered by and okay with whatever a guy says about her as long as it's something nice about her appearance. I just think we have more to think about than if some random guy thinks we're hot.
If the girl he's with is cool with, no problem. I can see where some women would be comfortable with it, because it's not that big of deal for everyone, I just hate that it's an automatic assumption that if the girl gets pissed for being treated that way it means that she's a high strung ball of insecurities. If my husband wants to act that way around his buds, or if I'm around a bunch of dudes who aren't my husband and they act that way, that's his and their own thing, but I appreciate it if he can refrain while I'm around because I deserve common respect from him.


--> Yeah, that sounds like convo you have with your homeboys, not with your girl. I'd never tell my girlfriend that I think another chick is hot unless its LC from The Hills. But she knows that I think she's hot already so its a non-issue. It just seems disrespectful to throw that at her.

--> Well personally if its like a celeb i wouldnt mind so much but if its like random girls then thats rude. It really depends on like how his attitude about it is like if he says " shes was pretty." no big deal but if it's " DAMN!! that girl so so fuckin hot did you see the ass on her!?" and just keeps talking bout it then thats pretty much poo-tastic.
Either way tell him it bugs you. If he cares and respects you enough he will stop. If he doesnt then hes prob not worth your time.

--> Thanks Dektora, because obviously Melissa is a lot better than most women. Seriously, it's one thing to look and it's another to comment. That's pretty rude. What the hell does he gain from making his comments? What exactly is he looking for? His girlfriend to agree? He's purposely trying to make her jealous...Like all douchey guys do.

--> I think it is disrespectful to say that sort of thing in front of your girlfriend. My current boyfriend used to talk about how other girls and celebrities are hot. He told me to just "get over it" but I plainly told him that I would never talk about another hot guy, or celebrity guy that I think is attractive in his presence simply because I respect him enough not to say those sort of things. I expect that level of respect in return. It has nothing to do with being insecure. I know other women are attractive, I notice them too. But it does not need to be discussed. It is just how you would never talk about your sex life in the presence your parents. In my opinion this sort of behavior should be avoided simply because it is inappropriate.

--> My boyfriend talks about other girls sometimes. He talks about they're bra sizes. For example, last night we were on the phone and he was talking about this girl at his school, that he has told me about before (we go to different schools). He says she always wears a hoodie, but that day she didn't, and he noticed what big breasts she had. It kind of made me angry, well no, i did make me angry. Its okay if he notices other girls, but when he tells me about it, he makes me feel insecure and like he wants to be with someone else. He's also talked about his past relationships, one time he told me about his first make-out session with this girl he used to be with, in full detail! He can tell I get annoyed when he does it, and I know he wouldn't cheat on me, but it makes me feel like he is. I don't know what to do, I mean its not like I want to break up with him over this, but it makes me so mad! Its not like I don't trust him, because I do, but I just want this to stop.


--> I already asked my boyfriend after the first several times he commented on other women if I wasn't giving him enough attention. Did I misunderstand when he said he wanted a girlfriend? Does he prefer me to be one of his buddies? He said no to all three-that I was great and he loved me. Then I pointed out how every time he said something stupid in front of me about how another women looked, it put distance between us. He still doesn't get it because he still does it. I have been looking for an apartment ever since because I can't see myself with someone this dense.

--> In my personal opinion, looking is expected, and inner thoughts or comments are always okay. But verbalizing appreciation should ONLY be done when in the company of one's friends. If a girlfriend is present with her man (with other dudes or without), keep your mouth shut. It would be disrespectful to comment on another woman once you've asked THIS gal to be YOURS. It would be equally disrespectful for her to comment on other men in your presence. It may have nothing to do with jealousy or insecurity...it's about respect and dignity. Act like a man, not like an ape.
Professionally, couples will vary on what they find appropriate or inappropriate. So if there's friction or disagreement in this area, get talkin! Make your wishes or feelings known. If he/she can't respect your wishes, move it along. There are others out there who will. It isn't LOVE if he can't make small alterations for the good/wellness of the relationship.

--> I recently experienced this with my boyfriend. After putting up with it for a year, I finally told him that it hurt me. He would always tell me how much he loved me and never wanted to hurt me, and when he heard how bad I felt about it he stopped. His excuse at first was that he just wanted me to be jealous so he could feel that I loved him, but later he acknowledged that he made a stupid mistake by making the comments and told me again that he would never do anything to hurt me. I am still getting over the things he said, but our relationship is getting better because he changed.
I don't recommend ignoring it like I did because it may never stop if he thinks you don't mind or find it fun. If you love him and want the relationship to work TELL him how you feel and if he loves you he will understand how bad he is making you feel and quit. It really comes down to if you want the relationship to work or not; A happy relationship does not have room for constant pain.

--> I'm going through the same type of thing. My bf will say how pretty certain celebrities are. The other night we were at the movies and he said " now THATS a pretty woman! " , just like that. It's not just the one comment though, he also commented that he could never imagine how any guy could cheat on Sandra Bullock due to the way she looks?... and when we first met, he made sure to tell me how 'very beautiful' his ex wife was. We went to a concert a few weeks ago and he constantly was looking around, ogling at other women. I've noticed this several times. I feel kind of childish saying something about it but truly, I'm mature enough to draw my own conclusions and I know most women would be very uncomfortable with this type of behavior too. It's just rude.Some thoughts should just remain our own and if we love someone, it is our responsibility to protect their feelings.
I know he'd hate it if I did it but I wont stoop to that level or treat someone else the way I hate being treated because them I'm no better. Instead, I'll just leave him and find someone who thinks I'm the most beautiful women in the room. Yes, I want it all. 100%, because I deserve it.

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