自己对爱情的观点

爱情对我来说本来是很甜蜜的事，两个人彼此相爱，彼此关心，但是爱情这东西没有保障。因为了解彼此久了，意见不同就开始争吵。 吵久了，伤害彼此的感情， 感情就淡了。 对我来说， 爱一个人，须要为他或她付出一切。 那么对方才能感受到爱，要为将来打算，爱一个人你会很舍得买东西给对方，是男或女。对自己喜欢的人不会吝啬，女生会希望男友多关心，多专一，安全感最重要，体贴，细心，温柔，尊敬。 不能一脚踏两船，女生往往必较吃亏，一但女生爱一个男生，她会投入在这段感情。 但男生的想法是现在我可以爱你但是我不能保正我永远爱你。 男人往往是自私的，见一个爱一个。 女友就没保障和安全感了。

He chides to leave. Wats more to say?

Still feeling pain................ Without any care n concern. Dun think so much, concentrate on working tOmorrow n now dun think much n sleep, tomorrow will be better. Not feeling well, feel cold n think going to fall sick again.

Father admitted in NUH on 8 March 2011

Yesterday, I take off day to take my father to polyclicnic n see doctor for his leg vein pain. He nearly pain for one week, but I only be informed by my youngest bro on 7 march 2011 night time when I'm on my way back home. After I heard that he is seriously hurt, I feel confused bec I not even wanted to forgive him. I'm just as his daughter , I done my duties. In my heart, I can't even forgive him. I even lie my aunt n uncle that it was my youngest brother who bring my dad to polyclinic n hospital. The waiting time is long. Can you imagine if someone is In deep pain n yet hv to wait for almost 8 to 9 hours? He have to stay in hospital for one day coz today morning, he will be going scanning. I hope god bless him that he is fine. I dun wish anything happened to him. I will feel miserable. I have inform my youngest brother to give him eat something light like porridge or soupy food, but he still buy char Siew rice for him as he mention is father want to eat. Than I get scolded by terror, saying is my fault for never inform them well way should not eat, I was so angry. Yesterday 9 march 2011(wed) after my 6pm dismiss I went to Jurong point for trimming my eyebrow. After that went to ntuc xtra to buy guava n multigrains bread for idiot father. I almost 10 plus reach but we chat till 1am like that. He keep repeating the past about my aunt ask my mother to do this do that n look after their 3 kids, tire out my mum. I straightaway say him, wat past is past. Dont keep repeating the same thing again and again. His financial concept are worst than a 3 year old kid. Keep thinking, money is not to save, is for spending plus not enough money to eat how to save. He also mention the most stupid person is to earn alot n save alot of money. I wanted to ask him, if a person never save for his own emergency use than how will you have it when you have to go medical treatment? Whereas he still need to borrow money from others? Take from me? That is not the best solutions. As I have my own planning for future, even I remain to be single, I do need to save for my emergency use. Humans are hard to say, today are well, tomorrow are sick. So my main worries and issue is all about money matters, coz I hv not much savings, my father no insurance due to he have diabetics and high cholesterol. And most important is love one not beside me when i he is needed. Feel that I'm Alone to handle the battle

Simply love someone

不知不觉已经三月了， 不知不觉已爱上那个木头。 不知不觉我们认识快两年了， 时常吵架。有快乐和伤心难过的时候，我们在一月二十七号二零一一年开始我们的恋情。 这几天我有感觉到小小0.1 的幸福哦。 我们关心对方， 不能失去对方， 比之前跟珍惜对方。 他是否也有跟我一样的想法或感受？我好希望木头能够疼我， 爱护我， 关心， 体贴， 照顾我多一点。 浪漫一点， 不要粗鲁。对我温柔一点， 希望他对我是认真的。 我真的不想在感情方面受到伤害。他能给我幸福吗？ 到老到死？ 希望每天都是情人节， 甜蜜蜜。 我们一起努力好吗？ 宝贝， 你能够脚踏实地吗？ 认真做每一样事情。 我喜欢看你认真的样子， 紧张的样子。Anonymous, --> if u dun wan to write than I give up

Difficulty trusting, fear of being misused or rejected, harbouring jealousy, and vindictiveness, defensively stone walling, having to argue and prove we're right, feeling easily hurt or offended and blaming others for our pain- these are just a few of the ways that our insecurity about being loved or lovable shows up.Love means warmth, openness to one another, allows us to make real contact, to take delight in and appreciate, warmth is love basic expression, love essence is like rainbow, passion, joy, contact, communication, kindness , caring, understanding , dedication, and devotion. When the presence of love is absent, something often feels sad, not quite right, something seems to be missing, n it's hard to find much joy, we easily fall pray to meaninglessness, anxiety or despair. Love is the central force that holds our whole life together and allows it to function.life is love and love is life. Have to ask Is it me? What did I do wrong? Is there someone else in the picture? The 4 no no that commit in a relationship: 1) playing the blame game- blaming the other party whenever there is an argument is a definite no-no. It is all right to admit that you were in the wrong. Pushing the blame to each other will not help. It may even turn into bad habit. Instead of pointing fingers, sit together and re-evaluate what went wrong. 2) bringing ex into equation- you + him = relationship; you + him + ex = tragic relationship. Comparing your ex with your current love will only make him a future ex too? Why? No partner wants to hear about how ur fantastic ex was, how he was more attentive, or how he would wait for you to end your lessons before going home together. How fantastic can your ex be if you are no longer together? 3) avoiding confrontation - you know there's a problem. You can see the cracks in your relationship yet you would rather not talk about it. Can it go away? No, it can't. Sure, a confrontation may lead to an arguement, stir up negative emotions (and a headache) but you will find in it a solution and a relieved heart. It's better to solve it than let the relationship be strained further by the lack of communication. 4) taking love for granted-

Tire

After whole day at work，feeling tire, wanted to slp but I can't be able to sleep, don't know y? Y i only can see people get ur own happiness but I can't have mine? every gift r the same, hope their bf really dote n care for them， im such a failure. Wat should I do to get wat I hope for?

在他的心目中， 我没有第位。

Concentrate

Dun think too much, concentrate. Keep think of incident happen.

Surprise from ....

I'm working and get to know from ... That got D24 durian will be deliver to my office . I thought is real durians than I tell that durians smelly cannot be brought to office . He say hehe n than around 3-4 plus, a guy call me n ask me my postal code than I ask him where did he call from? He mention starhub n I'm so curious . After a while the durians that .. Mention arrive and sign by my boss, so Ma lu。 my boss pretend to ask me things Like regarding my work . Was so surprise actually Is a bear with roses from ... . Touched lo. Bec he is a wood in my eyes all along . Hehe

新的一年新的开始2011

New year is a new start for all. I hv aim n plans for my future，im not young and it really needs improvement. I need to change my jealousy but provided he give me security . Sincere ，caring, loving , reduce bad temper, honest , faithful and loyal . '其实他不懂女人心。让我觉得他没诚意。 希望他有所改变，他说话没礼貌，脾气暴燥。他生气的时候， 象一只笨牛， 不会解释。 但是我觉得他有时没风度， 希望他能改 。他会在乎我说的每一句话吗？如果有一天他把我给气走， 他会追过来道歉吗？ 他会知错吗？他会在乎我吗？

Valentine day to all year 2011

Today is valentine day. I hope all the couples will be loving n caring for one another. Loyal to their own partner . Hope everyday is valentine day. As wat I know romantic guy will never let their partner suffer because he will try many ways to pleased her and make her feel happy. Girls happiness is so important that some guy never know, coz really got guy is a wood lo. Guys are greedy , he never contented with what he hv. Guys mindset is hv many gf as possible. But they nv think of consequences. I wander in this world, dun know got a guy truly n sincere love only one girl or not ? So envy the girl. She is lucky. Anyway 我祝天下有情人终成眷属。

Unknown person in my life

Sometimes, I wander who is he in m life......? But I dont know whether he really likes me or not... Sometimes he scold backiwords at me, he talk rude to me...... I angry,,,, but end up I saying sorry to him...... How come, my life so miserable.....

But I still waiting his reply everyday...... Who am I to him?

He change very fast, he say he love me, want me today, the next day we start to quarrel and ask me find others....

I dont know what he really think....

I just hope the answer will out soon... I dont want to get into any deeper when now have not been so hurtful.....

Transfer department within same company

I suppose to tender my resignation during Dec 2010.... My last day shall be 31 Dec 2010, same as my colleagues in SRO department. But was ask by other AM to ask me to transfer to other department doing attendance.... monitoring attendance. I hope everything is smoothly in my this department. Althought is far from my house, but I love this company... The company colleagues here are friendly..... my previous boss - Jasmine, current boss - Li Hong........ I will not let my current boss down... I must work hard and learn more things.. learn to be more independent.... learn to overcome difficulties at workplace.. Learn to solve problem... I hope can get along well with colleagues...... I hope I can confirm in this department after 3 months probation and than start to study UOL or ACCA in this school..... I hope my true love exist/appear that sincere treat me well.

As every girls hope that, but for my case, is quite different. My mother passed away, my father always taklk rubbish'/ unreasonable at times, my 2 brothers dont listen to me much... I feel I always alone.... Nobody to share my burden etc..... After my mum pass away, I never happy for even 1 minute.....

Every time feel so stress, and until sometimes really cannot really concentrade at work... I try not to bring home matter to work, but sometimes I think my life is rather tough, miserable, and lonely, alone to settle many times..... Im a human too.... not a robot.... I will drop tears.......

Just hope my prince will appear and willing to share burden with me and treat me well... truly love me.... Of course I know it needs time... but sometimes i really cry till my eyes very pain..... blury image.....

What to do.....

End of Year 2010 / Start of Year 2011

Times really flies, Is end of Year 2010 and start Year 2011. I wish everyone good health in a new year. And do thing smoothly.

In new year 2011 - I really hope is a fruitful year for me. As since my mum passed away on 2008, already 3 years. My life become miserable, sadness and alot of ups and downs, downs is much more than ups...... Lucky my aunt went thru together with me. Thanks aunt....... I really dont know how to handle things alone, like talking to a father with many unreasonable words.... I will vomit blood and less live for few years..... (shorten my life) ..... I believe god got eyes to see....

I hope in Year 2011. I can learn more things and be more independent. Freedom from this kind of worries, fan nao..., (family problems) I hope everything went smoothly.....


And hope my true love appears and sincere treat me.....

Thanks god......

许愿

许愿者: 女儿，瑷菱

特别送给: 妈妈，林秀莲

许愿内容 : 想念我在天堂敬爱的妈妈！我的泪不停的流！妈妈我好想你，爱你！要永远记得我！
请你不要放弃，妈妈！ 我们永远记得你! 我们都好挂念你。
希望你在“极乐世界”过的很好，希望找到一个好男人！你受的苦，已经太多太多了。
希望你能够有所回报！
好想念你~ 好想看到你~ 不管爸爸怎样该，还是换不会你的命。　
　　　　　　　虽然人要往前看，但是还没来得及做她孝顺的女儿。　好多东西还没跟妈妈学，
　　　　　　　她煮的耶浆饭（Ｎａｓｉ－Ｌｅｍａｋ），炸酱面，芋尼圈（ＹａｍＲｉｎｇ），炒米粉，鸡饭，
　　　　　　　叉烧烧肉饭，　绿豆汤，红豆汤，莲藕汤，玉蜀黍汤，ＡＢＣ汤，炒伊面，　鸡蛋面，
　　　　　　　酿豆腐，　垃圾桶菜（ｃａｒｒｏｔ　ｐｌｕｓ　ｃａｂｂａｇｅ）ＬＯＬ，炒果条，炒萝卜糕，　ｌａｋｓａ，
　　　　　　　ｃｕｒｒｙ，　ｓｗｅｅｔ　ｐｏｔａｔｏ　ｓｏｕｐ，　ｐｏｒｒｉｄｇｅ，　ｅｇｇ　ｃｏｖｅｒ　ｍｉｎｃｅｄ　ｍｅａｔ，
　　　　　　　ｐｏｒｋ　ｃｈｏｐ，　ｓｗｅｅｔ　＆　ｓｏｕｒ　ｐｏｒｋ，　ｃｅｒｅａｌ　ｐｒａｗｎ，　ｂａｋ　ｋｕｅ　ｔｅｈ，　ｃｒａｂ，
　　　　　　　ｋａｎｇ　ｋｏｎｇ，　ｓｐａｇｅｔｔｉ，　ｗａｎｔｏｎ　ｎｏｏｄｌｅ，　ｆｒｉｅｄ　ｒｉｃｅ，　ｌａｌａ　ｗｉｔｈ　ｃｈｉｌｌｉ，　
　　　　　　　ｆｒｉｅｄ　ｈｏｋｋｉｅｎ　ｐｒａｗｎ　ｎｏｏｄｌｅ，　ｄｕｍｐｌｉｎｇｓ（肉棕），　罗米饭，　
　　　　　　　ＣＮＹ　ｃｏｏｋｉｅｓ　－ｌｏｖｅ　ｌｅｔｔｅｒｓ，　ｃｏｏｋｉｅｓ（ｂｅｅ　ｈｏｌｅ），
　　　　　　　ｓｍａｌｌ　ｓｐｒｉｎｇ　ｒｏｌｌ　ｗｉｔｈ　ｂａ　ｈｕ．
Ａｎｄ　ｍａｎｙ　ｍａｎｙ　ｍｏｒｅ，　ｇｏｔ　ｔｉｍｅ　ｔｈａｎ　ｗｒｉｔｅ　ｏｕｔ　ａｌｌ．　ｔｏ　ｂｅ　ｃｏｎｔｉｎｕｅｄ．．．．．
　　　　　　　



妈妈我爱你！！！ ：）

Nanny @ Home days....

Im sick and tired coz even when my working days, plus half work half study, before exam or what. i also need to look after my aunt kids, it becomes my responsibilities. Starting I feel is ok, becasue is kind of learning process, and experiences in how to look after kids, and also will think that looking after a kid nowadays is not easy. I am stressed about this matter for quite long le... Don't know what should I do? Move back home or continue looking after 3 kids(im become their nanny)

They not automatic to go bathe and eat their lunch.

Normally every Fri, if Im available->even i need ot, i also never ot..... scarifie so big u see.... Well, I will go Yew Tee buy their dinner, than rush to fetch my cousin-carina from sch @ 6.30pm. Than bring her home,--> ask them to bathe-->hard to move also.... ask them to eat--> hard to move also..... because if they never bathe, i can't wash clothes and hang it.... if they never eat, I can't finished my task, which is wash bowl and plates etc.... I have to fold clothes too....


As for Saturday and Sunday, luckily nowadays my aunt some sat and sunday never work.. Not all 3 days she work for every week.. So when my aunt never work that day, I will be going out to relax.... For Saturday, my task is wake up in morning around 9 or 10 plus see got breakfast or not... If don't have, than I go fajar shopping center to buy breakfast, sometimes lazy or not free to walk 2 times, I buy lunch straight away. If not lunch time come out and buy their lunch again.
When I bUY back either breakfast or lunch or both.... I ask them eat, they will faster go eat when their parents are around, scare being beat ma....Than when their parents go out le, than they start to not obidient.... Haiz... ASK THEM bathe from 11 to 12plus, they can say wait wait wait, drag until 4 to 5 plus... than I will be late wash clothes.... Lunch sometimes they eat very late late 2 to 3 plus.... their meal are disorder... So angry bec if they 3 havent eat--> I can't clear and wash the bowl and plates on the basin..... clean the table etc..... If they 3 havent bathe, I can't put the clothes to washing machine to start spinning etc... Than my own things no need to do le... Thinking of every time like this, my life are so boring.... and feel so sleepy, life so meaningless... Not bec I don't or not willing to look after... Seriously I like their 3 kids too.. I dotw on them too, will help them celebrate their birthday, give them treats too, include my aunt and uncle.

I dun mind all this, the most difficult and miserable thing is that their kids not still kids, they can auto go and bathe, auto eat during every meal... Sometimes I ask them to eat, the 2 guys will ask me shut up and go away. Say i'm disguisting or saying i nagging.... Ya, I may keep repeating the words i say, go eat go eat, if never eat I call ur dad... I had no choice to say that..... I got my own things to do, sometimes I really feel that weekdays work work work ot ot ot, only weekends can relax.... But for me weekends is my nightmare.. is not i not willing to look after. Is just that this is not my responsibilities to teach their kids to shut down computer etc.... If they willing to listen to me, I dun mind, they are n\big enough.. I don't think I have the energy to keep repeating the things that I say..

Sometimes really makes me fed up.... headache..... even fri, sat and sunday I dun have my free time.... I can help to look after but at least appreciate what I done.. But my uncle don't seems to appreciate... My aunt work, is my uncle responsible to look after their own kids...

I don wanna and hate that if their kids not behave well or results drop blame on us never teach them good, only teach them bad....

Ya. Although we 3 , my both parents never taught us about life process and meaning of life... Do or dont etc... but at least we don't blame our parents for not teaching us good. ACTUALLy, partly good or bad also influence by friends etc.... we really can't predict what will happen the next day or even the next second or next minute. Nobody knows...

I feel stress to look after them is because the 2 boys playing computer, sometimes not happy will fight and scold vulgar-backwords to one another, until both fights, one time both take knife... That's my fear and worries... I can't afford to be responsible if anything happens to them...

I can help to look after for a period of time but not every fri, sat n sunday continue for few years.... And i really cannot fully concentrade, even at night sleep i will think of this fri, sat and sun need to look after kids, headache, coz they not follow my instructon, and their father so relax go turf club bet horse.... so enjoy.. I no obligations that to stop him relax, enjoy... Everybody need to relief their stress after weekdays work......but he should think of hire a maid ba!

I'm still young, I don't want to been tight down by kids kids kids.... If is my own kids, I of coure have to look after myself.....

I really need to stop all this, because I intend to fully concentrade on my work, my studies(intend to study ACCA) SO MUST concentrade... The time spend really not little as what u all think.. Is not so easy.. time consuming... I can't study if my mind is not there.. Is kind of stress stress stress..


What Shall I do? God?

Going home soon in 25 mins later.... Bye Bye!



Life so boring and meaningless for irene!

Planning for the free time during short break

As my last day @ G & W will be on 22 September 2010. My new starting phase of career plus new working environment starts on 4th October 2010... Very excited, and looking forward to that day, hope everything really go smooth for me! Colleagues and boss there friendly, caring ba! I can say I'm not a fast learner, need them to guide me along and please give me patience if I had done anything mistake... Kindly to seek for your forgiveness and willing to change...

Meanwhile, during this 23 September - 3 October 2010(less than 2 weeks) a short break!

I need to planned my time... erm... Intend to go for Lee wei song school of music @ PICO building - lavendar! Studio recording in a CD album..... I'm looking forward thou....
Hope really every thing well smoothly for me!
Give me courage and let me have the confidence to sing infront of many many people so that I am happy. At least I pass my own stage.... Mum know le, also will be happy...

During this period, I would really need to relax and destress myself before starting a new job....

Where can I go? What can I do? No. Dont ask me to look after kids thou. Haha......

Ｂａｃｋ ｆｒｏｍ ｌｕｎｃｈ

Back from lunch, feeling very tired and sleepy right now! ZzZzzZz

Actually, before my mum passed away, she keep hinting us that she is not happy with her marriage..... She ask me cannot find a future husband that have wifes de. 千万不可以找有老婆的男人！　
那时我只听而已！根本不明白她的意思！现在我才了解她的意思。可是太迟了，我的妈妈有告诉她的好朋友：“等我们三个二十一岁就会跟爸爸离婚”。　那时我刚过二十一岁！最小的弟弟才十五岁，第二弟弟十八岁！　我们真的已到崩溃的日子，好伤心，痛苦。

有一首歌，歌词很有意思。
世上只有妈妈好！
世上只有妈妈好，　有妈的孩子像个宝。
投进妈妈的怀抱，　幸福享不了

世上只有妈妈好，　有妈的孩子像个宝。
投进妈妈的怀抱，　幸福享不了

没有妈妈最苦恼，　没妈的孩子像根草。
离开妈妈的怀抱，　幸福哪里找

没有妈妈最苦恼，　没妈的孩子像根草。
离开妈妈的怀抱，　幸福哪里找

Ｓｏ　ｉｓ　ｔｒｕｅ！　：(
I have this feeling already!

Missing MUM badly

I miss my mum badly, but I can feel my mum always beside me, I almost every week dream of her, but sometimes wake up cant't remember what I dreamt of ?

This morning, my cousin mum(my gugu) call me, his only son married on 3 Oct 2010 held at Fullerton Hotel ballroom. Is really grand....... She invited us go to his buffet lunch at her house. She wanted us to go together with my father. She told us to give her face, ask us must go. And she mentioned she dreamt of my mother 3 times, I ask her what she dream, she start to cry, she don't wish to tell me.. I was really curious what she dreamt of. She say my mum 交代something to her.

I was like suddenly feel like crying. Bec we kids should be the most suffer ba! And nobody know what our heart thinks？ Only know how to say just forget the past bad things my father do... But my father really until now dont realise is his fault u know. That makes us can't forgive him, because he didnt even want us to forgive him.

I intend to move back own house, currently me and my younger bro staying at my aunt house already for 2 years 3 months. Time flies, but I really missed my home.. My aunt and uncle treat us well too. But I feel own house is more warmth. Bec my mum is at home.... Bec of my stupid brain dad, makes things worst and complicated.

And become we got home also cant go back home.... Dad keep nagging, own fault than blame people.... Can't he feel abit shameful for himself and just keep quiet! I wanted to make clear things that is my father chase us out of the house than we move out.. That period everybody in our house very suffered... My dad nagged, than my work also cannot concentrade, everyday headache, keep think think think... And My mum passed away that period, I not myself, I dont believe, its so sudden. As I come back from working NTUC, I reach home at night 11 plus on 27 Jan 2008, Sunday. Chat with my mum awhile than I feel tired than sleep. I slept in same room, same bed with my mum. I believe my mum in the middle of the midnight around 1 or 2 plus knock off in the toilets... But I really never heard any noise, maybe I was too tired, that's y. She was not feeling well for the past 1 week.... i was so regret for not taking good care of her. Never bring her go see doctor and never care her.. I was really really so regret....:（

And if everytime i go genting, i so regret, I never go genting with my mother before. So will regret for not doing or going anywhere with her.. I will think of my mum more when the places i never go with my mum before. like also regret for not taking more photos with her....

I hope my mother will let me dream of her, tell me what she needs and wants, so that I will try to help her lessen her worries or troubles. To fulfil what she wants... I'm serious! I just hope my mum can leave better either in heaven or hell. I just want my mum to know I miss her badly, hope she can bless me and my 2 brothers everything go smooth and bless that father will know his mistake and not nag again.
The most important thing is if one day we 3 move back to own house, my father will not bring over the batam kids or mistress into our house.. Coz I will treat them transparent. That time don't blame me for doing nasty things on them.
I will treat it I never know and never aware of this issue.

That is the path my dad chose, so he had to bear the consequences. Not after my mum passed away than he find another wife/women. This is can't forgiveable. Ridiculous, stupid act he had done.... Mum suffered so many years.....太委屈妈妈了！我觉得妈妈比我想象中更坚强，更勇敢！我真的佩服她！还被爸爸唉骂！爸爸真的不知羞耻！　为妈妈感到非常难过，伤心！
虽然爸爸有养家，那又怎样呢？　他不尊敬我的妈妈！你们觉得，有养家就好，那你们想想，换成是你们的老公，你们会开心的过日子吗？　没办法！

爸爸的情况不是在外面偷吃！这可是他们还没结婚就开始了！为何爸爸不能在两个女人中选一个呢？　
搞到事情这么复杂，搞到没有妈妈，是我们孩子最难过，最无辜的。
ｂａｔａｍ　的女人是会做疆头，我觉得妈妈的死，就是那女的做的！　我真的希望有因果报应！　
老天爷，请你帮帮我！　是不是那女人在搞怪！让老天爷处罚！
谢谢！


现在我只希望我妈妈会过的很好，希望她找到对他好的男人！不要再受委屈了！
让妈妈每天都快快乐乐，　开开心心！　希望她找到贵人相助！

好怀念我的母亲，怀念和她在一起的日子！　辛苦她了！这么多年的照顾，我还来不及孝顺她，她就走了！
以前妈妈几乎每天都下厨，我可以说她煮的晚餐天天都好吃，到没话说！她天天都有煮汤！好喝级了！
家务事都是妈妈一个人在做！抹地，洗衣，则衣，晾衣，煮，打扫，油气　等等。

最怀念的事，当我放工回家时，有时候，妈妈会帮我拔眉毛，　洗指甲油，涂指甲油－－－〉　太舒服了，到我睡着了！　妈妈成经告诉我，你这样依赖我，那如果我死了，怎样办？　那时，我还不明白她的意思！我真的够笨！嗨！

不说了，要吃饭了！
ｂｙｅ　ｂｙｅ！